the last time i checked in, my life was in turmoil. jobz were up in the air, i was flirting with feelings, and things were generally uncertain.

three months later, my life is now settled and i'm happily drawing patterns in the dust, unwilling to move for a long period of time.

my life exploded after the last entry. that's probably dramatic. whatever.

i started a job at a boutique pr firm while waiting to hear back from my two favorite prospective places, a law firm and a nonprofit pr firm. i really wanted to work for the pr firm and they really wanted me to. during the interviews it felt like we really clicked and they adored me. unfortunately, we had a mix up during the salary negotiation where the CEO started getting really defensive and touchy.

not that i was really in it for more money, but if you quote me a salary higher than what it really is, i'm going to be upset. obvs.

so that got awkward and i decided i didn't want to start a job where i was already on the outs with the CEO. took the job with the law firm. i'd like to say i haven't looked back but its just so terribly boring. after two months, i'm STILL uncertain on my job repsonsibilities. i interviewed at Edelman for a health position in DC. no luck - i don't think i had enough writing experience. they may also have hated me, because they then put the position up online. which they NEVER do.

its fine. i know that my job will pick up in the next month or two and when it does, i'll be ready. i get paid more than my pr girls, plus i'm getting time. time to do what? really, whatever i want. once i finish updating on my life, i'll get back to fiddling around with the video editing programs. it's nbd.

thats where i am, jobzwise. not a bad place to be, if i do say so myself.

aaron.

what a disaster.

we ended up hooking up one more time during a drunk outing in DC. then went over to his house to watch a movie and make a gingerbread house. pausing to vom, it sounds so adorable. we planned a final hangout before new years for us to watch the office together like old times. it was good until we started talking about us.

he told me he didn't have feelings for me. which not only sucked, but he said it like this: "we've always had chemistry but its nothing longterm."

translation: "i really like fucking you, but its nothing to stick around for."

technically, i'm being dramatic again. i know what he meant. but really, when you're breaking the news to someone, is that how you want to say it? to really stick it to me, he also told me that he hadn't felt the same about me since junior year. information that may have been helpful when we had that long discussion about our chicago fiasco.

then new years. i thought the year that trey bailed on new years, only to come crawling back because his party got busted, was my worst new years ever. boy, was i wrong.

i didn't even want to go. i was feeling miserable about myself and the world and hated everyone and everything. but i had already paid so away i went.

it was lovely to see the questers, annoying to stay with estefi and armon, and entirely too expensive of a trip. aaron and i actually got into the fight the first night i was there. he told vidya and chris about our discussion, highlighting that i had:
a. been aggressive with asking for a kiss at midnight
b. had more feelings for him than he did for me

regardless or whether or not they were true (which...they were), it was rude of him to tell people because they then asked me about it when we were pregaming. aaron was conveniently with a different group of friends across town. i was upset that he told them, even more so that he made me sound pathetic. like i was begging for him in my life. i sent series of angry texts and then stopped responding to his increasingly frantic replies. this resulted in aaron actually showing up at the bar to confront me. obviously, nothing was resolved.

the next night he granted me my wish of a sober kiss before any of the festivities started (we discussed that wish during the gingerbread session. i thought mentioning it then would literally make me vom). later that night, i had no intention of kissing him at midnight, considering what he had told chris and vids. then as i was leading the countdown, i turned and he was conveniently right there. so we made out at midnight. in front of everyone. it would have been adorable, had the rest of the night not gone to hell.

we had an emotional conversation in the stairwell, then decided it was time to get back to the party.

less than 15 minutes out of the stairwell, lucy was already all over him. an hour later the two of them were locked in the bathroom. i couldn't deal. i spent the next hour drunkenly crying in the stairwell.

i stopped talking to aaron. eventually, he surprised my by booking me a trip to nashville. i flip flopped about the issue for a bit but decided to go. i mean, its a free trip right?

barring some minor drama about his friends being there and a botched night out, it was a really good trip. i loved the city and the atmosphere and we had a lovely talk at the airport. i aired my grievances about the whole situation to him. to me they were whatever, but i guess this is the first time he was hearing it and he was upset to know that i consider him kind of a dick, yet human like the rest of us. afterall, i literally used to think he was perfect.

so now we're friends. i'm peeved that i didn't get to do it on my time. i'm also a little irritated that his friends apparently hate me now. they think i overreacted.

judging from the situation, i really have every right to take whatever course of action i chose. i'm not trying to dwell on this, but now i wonder what aaron's reaction was like to have prompted his friends hatred of me.