Back to National Policy

http://www.weeklystandard.com/blogs/its-policies-stupid?page=2

the article pasted isn't particularly interesting. however, one statement jumped out at me that i fetl should be shared amidst the 'fight the richman' madness that as swept the liberal world that i live in:

[Obama] wants some tax breaks for small businesses, $50 billion more to spend on infrastructure to “create jobs for American workers,” and exclusion of the rich (the 2 percent of families earning more than $250,000 per year) from a renewal of the Bush tax cuts. In the best case, that exclusion would produce enough revenue to cover only nine days worth of the deficit, according to The Economist.

Poetry? Yeah, it's gotten that bad

i may look like im running away

but i can't be held responsible

for the way i feel about you

once a girl so self assured

i'm now at a loss for words

you're incredible, you're amazing

the touch of your hand can take

me places unvisited before

i hate to say it like this

but im desperate for more

tell me whats next

i'm waiting

i'm holding my breath

i've got a million thoughts running

but you're in every single one

please, i need you to be kind

i just want to feel like you're mine

Borderline Obsession?

nevermind that this weekend i didn't get any work done. never mind that i bought my halloween costume. never mind that i spent quality time with my nephew. never mind that trey hasn't been responding to my texts.

aaron took my hand.

and that is all i care about

Classic.

morning text from me to aaron: remember when you convinced me you were part black?

response from aaron to me: classic

its the age old story. the grass is greener on the other side. the less he responds, the more i want him. always want what you can't have.

what other cliches can i use?

i've tried to ignore it and focus on different parts of my life. its just so hard to tear my mind away from someone so appealing but i was doing okay. and then today happened

today i watched aaron get up in front of our QUEST class with his team clad in business professional garb. not only is he the exactly right build for a suit, this suit was fitted to his body. so much so that he looked amazing

and downright sexy. i've never been so turned on by a man in a suit before.

this did not help matters.

It's Midnight

and i'm not doing homework. i'm not catching up on gossip girl (mostly because the cw website sucks balls). i'm here, torn on what i want to muse about tonight.

i've got aaron on the mind and i'm tempted to wax poetic about him and how he puts up with all my nonsense. ever since the semester started i've been acting crazy, reacting to the overwhelming knowledge that in a short amount of time i'll be thrown out into the world to fend for myself so i need to

a- make this year count

b-build my future

c- attend as many happy hours as possible

okay c is not actually real but it might as well be. anyways being so stressed out of course im spouting nonsense all the time and being ridiculous. and the person subjected to it the most, is aaron. most simply because everyone else doesn't have time for me anymore. i apologized today and he wasn't quite sure what i was apologizing for.

either he's a sweetheart or he's pretending. either way it made me feel better.

i could go on about him. but i've also got supposed racial tensions on the mind.

i say supposed because i live in an area where diversity is near and dear to the hearts of those around me. other than for comedic reasons, i rarely see any sort of racism in my area. i would never dream of hiring someone based on race or anything of the sort. i am a firm believer in meritocracy and if i had the time i would campaign for the end of affirmative action.

we claim to live in an age where skin does not matter. yet we hold up high ranking blacks, asians, and hispanics as a badge of honor in our struggle for diversity. i'm confused. are we working for equality or are we fighting a battle against white people?

i'm not writing this on a personal level. i'm not white. i'm asian, to be specific, vietnamese. i'm unconcerned about the fate of my race. vietnamese people are bred to be resilient, to always be laughing in the face of adversity. if we don't make it good this generation, our children sure as hell will.

but i'm exhausted from claims of racism, then diversity, then racism, and back. there are too many ridiculous points to draw attention to (obama jokes, mayor fenty's loss, etc) but i can pick one.

i have a bone to pick with affirmative action.

i no longer hold it offensive on a personal level. my parents taught me that rules don't matter anyways. a bottom line is a bottom line and if you didn't make it against the other asians, then you better damn well be better than them next time. expect nothing but the best. no excuses.

but i find affirmative action offensive for everyone.

whites and asians because we're being barred from schools that we probably deserve. blacks and hispanics because having designated slots for certain races, undermines their academic abilities and achievements.

if race really and truly didn't matter, and if people really wanted equality, we wouldn't still be discussing every last detail. we would be letting go of all these restrictions, all these stereotypes and letting those that truly wanted opportunities, pursue them in the best manner.

im disjointed and ineloquent tonight. i apologize. i have aaron on my mind.

On Second Thought

based on the excessive obsessing that i've been doing lately over a certain someone that i spend a lot of time with, something has occurred to me.

he probably doesn't even like me anymore.

it's been a long time since he's initially found me irresistible and beautiful (as i recapped from that previous blog entry). thinking about it now, thats very flattering. that he found me irresistible. i wonder if he was being serious or just saying that because its a sweet thing to say. he still won't tell me what his first impression of me was so i guess i'll never know. unless i get him drunk and make him tell me.

but anyways. its been a long time. i've turned him down at least three times. i've insulted him (seriously) countless times. he's got to be way over me by now. i need to stop obsessing over it. attractions fade over time and i just need to accept that.

so starting tomorrow, i say goodbye to my biggest time waster and distraction and begin focusing on important things.

how depressing

While I'm Obsessing Over This

i need someone to know and if that someone has to be the world wide web full of somebodies i do not know, then so be it.

i may be a little teensy tiny bit in love with aaron.

there. i said it.

Why Can't I Just Have Both?

i'm notorious for indecision. most days i try to hide it from other people, making a lot of spur of the moment decisions. you have no idea how much shit i've bought (that i didn't need), simply because there was a stranger behind me and i didn't want to look like a n00b browsing the CVS.

when i think i'm wasting my time trying to figure it out, i typically just buy them both. after all, you can never have too much shampoo or rice a roni mixes.

its kind of a poor strategy, and it wastes a lot of money that i might not have. buying a few extra bags of the curly cheetos is one thing. buying all three pairs of shoes off zappos was pricey. but in the end, despite my bleeding bank account, i was satisfied with all three pairs.

in addition to being a poor strategy, its a strategy that doesn't apply universally.

i'm madly in love with trey. most days. despite the rollercoaster ride of emotions that he takes me on, i always love him, despite whether or not i even like him that day. ideally i want to get married (wow, i've never typed that out before) have less than 4 children who inherit my commonsense and his social skills. and his teeth.

with that as my backdrop, i'm going to have to confess: i have some serious feelings for aaron.

i don't even know what it is about this guy. we don't communicate well, he never believes me, i always make fun of him, he's always psychoanalyzing me, i'm always pushing his buttons.... the list goes on. actually, its not like there's nothing to like. he's hysterically funny, smart, ambitious, driven, compassionate, quirky, fun to talk to, not to mention those blue eyes and that easy smile. he's also great to make out with.

but i've known he's had feelings for me since sophomore year, led him on a rollercoaster of my own last year (well it was mostly him directing this rollercoaster), hooking up, not hooking up, hooking up, not even talking, and resolving our friendship and after a few aftershocks, settling into a real friend relationship. after all that (and a summer of not really seeing each other, plus serious trey time in my life) i don't know why i haven't been able to settle myself about him.

last night we went out together to turtle. we initially went in a group but the group showed up wasted and eventually splintered off, leaving just me and aaron together. you'd think that would be a bad idea but i was so good that i came home depressed about the anticlimactic ending. the entire night we were dancing so close together and everyone knew it, it was hot. i wanted really badly to make moves but i swore i wouldn't do that to him again. but i felt it, and i KNOW he felt it.

and now today im moping around the apartment (the rain doesn't help, neither does the depressed country music that i've put on to accompany my moping) contemplating my life. being the emo child that i am, maybe i'm just overdue for a good mope. but i honestly don't know what to do and i feel like this is an issue i'm going to revisit time and again.

i want them both. i really and truly do. trey is my best friend that knows me inside and out and can reassure me when i feel like im slipping away. a best friend that i also have hot sex and can see a future with. but see, when trey covers all my bases already (pun not intended) i don't know why i want aaron. he's just something else, someone that i seemingly can't get enough of.

so yet once again, i'm down to a gametime decision but this time i can't buy both dresses. boys aren't objects and i respect them both too much to subject them to being used that way.

i feel like jack donaghy in 30rock. too bad so few of my friends watch that show. its taught me everything i know about being a grownup. i just don't know who's avery and who's nancy in my life...

Do You Really Know What You're Getting Yourself Into?

so this semester I signed up for tennis. yes, as a class. it meets twice a week and i hope to become somewhat competent before the semester's out. so much so that i have retardedly challenged aaron to a tennis match. if i win, he has to sing karaoke for me. if i lose...

well i'm expected to lose so i don't think thats an issue

so tonight i was talking up some more of this grudge match. and aaron revealed that his mother played tennis in college and so she taught him. therefore he's been playing for a very long time and has subsequently gotten very good. he told me, and i quote "you'll have to be playing for years to be able to beat me"

well, fuck.

not that i thought this was going to be a breeze or anything. but i was really intent on focusing and just really playing enough just to become better, good actually. since thats what i've done all my life, applied a little bit and turned out fantastic results.

obviously this win is never going to happen but i want to try anyways.

aaron's comment reminded me of my superior skills in my own sport: tae kwon do.

he might be able to best me in every single match we play, but can i best him in every single round that we spar?

good question. not that i doubt my own abilities but i know that aaron's a pretty athletic guy. if we spar i have to spar smart, stay out of those inevitably powerful kicks and be quick on my feet. my flexibility might be able to take me a few rounds with him but of course he'll get smart and know when to move then he sees me lifting that leg.

contemplating this, i wondered if i even knew my forms.

i was sitting in the common room by myself (as both my roommates had retired to their rooms with their boyfriends) so i got up and jsut started. and found that i remember very little of my forms. how thoroughly depressing.

tae kwon do has been the corner of my existence, the core of my self esteem and now i remember nothing.

my life jsut becomes more depressing by the day. i need to sit down and review my forms