This is what happens when you can't let go

trey and i have been together for roughly 5 years on and off, give or take a few months.

when he came home this summer, i was expecting it to be something extraordinary, some relief from my quick paced life without pause. i supposed he would be here, would be with me, and things would be different.

i know why i thought that. i [mistakenly] think the world of him. think he's my superman and he'll fix everything.

however its been a week and a half and i've done nothing but pick fights and he's done nothing but sit next to me, on the couch, in the car, silently, wordlessly. nothing to add to the conversation but a hulking boy added to the decor. i'm just so frustrated with the whole situation. i know i love him but i don't know what to do.

we went to see brad paisley on saturday night and it should have been an amazing event. instead it was a struggle to stay civil and keep my tongue in check. picking fights before the concert, holding my tongue during brad, and being too tired to be difficult afterwards. i don't mean to be difficult but it just happens when trey is... i hate to say it, not meeting expectations. i sound so business like but i don't know how to put it. other than he doesn't fail to disappoint. why am i holding on after all these years?

i need to break this habit. im tired of being tired. im tired of being upset. and im tired of deluding myself.

thats probably false. if im good at anything, im best at fooling myself, especially when it comes to trey